Growing up a young boy in a suburb of Cleveland I was constantly told the importance of football. Back and forth my family would tell stories about the Cleveland Browns swearing off anyone who dared mention the feared Bengals of Cincinnati. Although I gave full attention to their stories, I was never intrigued by them. I just wasnt very inspired by the epic adventures of players like Bernie Kosar, Eric Metcalf and local hero Webster Slaughter. I remembered thinking to myself Is something wrong with me? How come everyone besides me likes football? Fearing my own being, I went through years of mental confusion. Until one glorious day, when I turned on the Browns game. Watching it, I was still confused. I just didnt get it. Still mystified, I kept my eyes glued to the game. It was then, when the single most important event of my life occurred. My gay uncle walked in and told me to Turn off this garbage, Coach is on. At this point I had not seen Coach so I was still a bit skeptical. But after 30 minutes of non-stop hilarity I was a changed man. Running through my house I found my father and told him Dad, I want to play for Hayden Fox. With a smile on his face my dad exclaimed Hayden Fox is a good man son. But it takes a whole lot of work to play for that man. He doesnt have a flawless track record by accepting just anyone to his team. Son, youre gonna have to work damn hard, damn hard.
I still remember my first Pop Warner practice. After I made the three hour run to get there I was confronted by my coach (not to be confused with Coach the show). He asked me why I was at practice two and a half hours early. I explained to him my ambition and how I wished to do a few drills before practice started. After my coach told me how he had to do this for community service because of a similar ambition, I finally convinced my coach to set up a couple drills. After many strenuous activities fueled by my goal, the rest of my teammates had shown up. Our first activity as a group was to select our jersey numbers. As kids screamed out things like I want #19 like Bernie Kosar and 34 like Bo Jackson I tugged on my Coachs jacket. What number was Dawber when he played for Coach Fox? After a long pause my coach responded with 24, itd be the number Id wear for the rest of my football career.
Practice soon became difficult. Difficult because it seemed as if none of the other kids had the same drive that I did. Id stick around the field for hours after practice. I knew if I wanted to play for the Screamin Eagles, my practices would have to be much more challenging then the ones I was receiving. During running drills I was fueled by two things; my passion to play for Hayden Fox and the smooth sounds of Pump up the Jam by Technotronic. After my workout was through Id get my clipboard out and say some of my favorite Hayden Fox speeches, which I knew better then my own birth date. Taking it around I would practice making derogatory comments to any females within the premises of the field.
After 10 games, I became the youngest player ever to score 100 touchdowns in the history of Pop Warner Football. After every touchdown Id politely give the ball to the referee and thank my team for being so helpful; Coach Fox had always put a strong emphasis on not only winning, but good sportsmanship also. At the young age of eight, I was approached by Jimmy Johnson, then the coach of the University of Miami. He told me he couldnt legally offer me a spot on the Miami football squad, but he would when I got older. Although I was honored by such a statement, I politely declined. I told Mr. Johnson my story. I told him why I wanted to play football, and that I would only end up in one place, a place next to Hayden Fox. He smiled at me with admiration. Finally, he met an individual with a drive created by a respected man. He was sick of hearing from kids who admired a great individual, not some hot shot athlete.
My career would continue to be incredibly successful, setting new records and standards constantly. However, I mentally did not change. I knew that I couldnt slack for just one second; slacking isnt the Hayden Fox way. Day in and day out my routine stayed the same: train, practice, watch Coach, practice, analyze, Coach, train. At this point I was home schooled, my parents realized that my goals were closer then they ever imagined. They didnt want education to get in the way of my dream, and secretly theirs too. My parents never told me this, but I knew before they went to bed they both prayed that Id play For Hayden Fox. My uncle used to tell me stories about how before my birth, my mother put her pregnant stomach next to the TV when Coach was on, hoping that I would pick up on its way before I was born. Now with my work ethic showing on the field, we were so close to my dream.
Times were great for me. I had seen full boat scholarships from practically every major football college in the country. And there was a feeling in the air, that soon I would be able to add Minnesota State to the list. To add to this excitement, the Screamin Eagles had won the Pioneer Bowl, unquestionably Hayden Foxs greatest accomplishment on the football field. With champagne flowing throughout my house, it was then when Hayden Fox made the single most devastating announcement these ears have ever heard. Fox announced his plans to become the head coach of next years addition to the NFL, the Orlando Breakers. Simultaneously, everyone in my residence went dead silent. My dream had always been to play for Hayden Fox, but the dream always had me wearing the purple and gold running down that Minnesota State tunnel as a Screamin Eagle. To be a Breaker, Id have to wait at least three years and play for that annoying, old bitch from Whos the Boss.
After days of thinking about my future, I knew what I had to do. I was to go to Orlando, to ask Hayden himself what hed think. Unfortunately, my family didnt have the money to fly me to Orlando since my father quit his job in favor of being my personal trainer. Determined to get me to Orlando, my dad pooled all our familys savings to get us a two man bicycle. Throughout the states we peddled with all we had, a passion driving us, telling us not to stop.
After an enduring nine days, we finally arrived to Orlando. We circled the city at least three or four times without any site of the Orlando Breakers stadium. In hopes to be pointed in the right direction, I decided to enter a local gas station. After asking the gentlemen behind the counter if he knew the stadiums whereabouts, I received a respond that bewildered me. At first he laughed at me, thinking I was joking. Noticing my incredibly sincere look, he realized I was far from kidding. Smile wiped away from his face, this gentlemen gave me yet another shocking bit of news. Son, there is no Orlando Breakers. While Coach is highly entertaining, it is not real. Coach is a fictional show with actors portraying real people.
Devastated, I would not return to my home on my dad's two-man bike, in fact I would never return. How could I look at the people of my town? They wouldn't be able to take the news, "Coach" meant too much to them. So I stayed in Florida and tried to drink away the pains. But "Coach" was my life for so long, and you can't just drink away a lifetime worth of hope. So I moved onto bigger things. I'd snort coke while on the H Train sometimes, anything to provide a temporary escape. If I forgot about the awful truths of the world, I knew I'd have to do more. As I sat in the corner of some local bar's bathroom, I thought that my time had come. With a gun I had stolen from a Charlton Heston look-alike, I pointed to my head. Looking up, I looked for a reason not to end it all. Nothing. I unlocked the safety lock, still nothing. As I pulled back the trigger I noticed a TV turn on. Still holding back the trigger I was intrigued by this television show. Viewing it, I realized that this is why we watch TV. This show was filled with not only great plotlines, but deep meanings. Something I'd never seen outside the "Coach" world. Now I'd like to say that Craig T. Nelson was in this (although 'The District' would later help me teach on a seminar on the importance of staying away from drugs at young ages), but it did not include the gentlemen we called Coach. This show was filled with a bunch of intelligent women who fought against he injustices of the world. And that is why I owe the producers of "VIP" a huge thank you. Thank you for saving my life "VIP", and may God be with you.
