Earlier today, amid much hype and speculation, Craig T Nelson addressed the UN General Assembly, weighing in on the recent controversy surrounding possible military action against Iraq.  Said Nelson: On The District, I play Jack Mannion, a hard-nosed police chief.  I know that Jack wouldnt allow a two-bit scumbag like Saddam Hussein to live in his turf, and I dont see any reason why the UN should act any differently.  Nelsons half-hour long speech was greeted with a raucous applause the likes of which havent been seen in years.  It immediately drew favorable comparisons to Tony Danzas New Tomorrow speech in 1991, which helped bring about UN involvement in The Persian Gulf War.  Although it will take years to fully appreciate the long-term effects of the speech, the short-term effects were vast and far-reaching.  Several countries did an abrupt about-face, and issued their support for operations against Iraq.  French president Jacques Chirac issued a statement saying: For years, the crazy antics of Hayden Foxx entertained the French people.  Now, the wise words of Craig T Nelson has inspired us to go to war.  When Russian President Vladimir Putin was reached for comment, he simply responded We are all prepared to die for Craig T Nelson.  Even the Germans were able to overcome their peaceful nature and support the impending war, although they made it absolutely clear that this didnt make them Nazis or anything.  Saddam Hussein, when informed of the recent events, sat back and solemnly said If I am to meet my destruction, I am glad to meet it at the hands of Craig T Nelson, my most respected adversary.  A bunch of other stuff happened, but I dont feel like writing it all down.